Parents Zone

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Appreciating Children’s Progress from Their Own Baseline

Written by: Counseling Psychologist, Shelly Mok

 

There is a 3-year-old girl who, when she first started play therapy, would throw tantrums at home at least 3 to 4 times a day, each lasting over half an hour. After more than three months of play therapy, her crying frequency decreased to once every one to two weeks, sometimes even three weeks between episodes. However, her mother still felt troubled because, in her social circle, other children generally calmed down after crying for only 5 to 10 minutes. In contrast, her daughter still needed at least half an hour to gradually transition from her crying spells.

 

Another child, a shy little boy of the same age, when he first began play therapy, would only play with familiar toy cars in the playroom. He cautiously observed the unfamiliar environment and me, a stranger, within his small, safe space. A few months later, his father reported that he began to try playing on the slide by himself at the park and willingly participated in some interest classes without needing his parents’ accompaniment. However, his parents were still very concerned about his social skills, feeling that “he is different from other children.” Each time he participated in group activities, he would stand quietly in a corner with wide eyes, observing others without joining in.

 

 

Indeed, when comparing children to others, it is easy to notice their shortcomings. It is natural for parents to hope for their children’s continued improvement and progress. However, please remember that every child is unique, and their baselines are different. When measuring a child’s progress, if we use a “one size fits all” approach based on others’ standards, we may struggle to recognize their advancements and encourage them to keep moving forward, focusing instead on what they have yet to achieve.

 

For a child who is sensitive, easily frustrated, and has difficulty adapting to change, it may still take her half an hour to express her dissatisfaction. However, when she begins to enhance her resilience in facing difficulties, reducing the frequency of her crying spells is already progress. Before her next crying episode, she may have expended all her energy trying to adapt to the changes in her life and cope with various frustrations. What she needs is for her parents to understand her momentary weakness. She may not confront life as easily as more adaptable children do. Yet, with the understanding, compassion, and acceptance from her parents, she will gradually develop resilience and adaptability, making her life a little easier.

 

 

For introverted and highly sensitive children, various external stimuli may overwhelm their capacity to cope. They need to withdraw when they feel it is appropriate, retreating to their safe and comfortable zone to observe their environment slowly, in order to maintain their integrity and sense of security. They may never possess the boundless energy of extroverted children, who can dive into most situations with ease. Parents do not need to overly protect their children, keeping them in their comfort zones indefinitely. However, parental acceptance and companionship can help them gradually expand their world. Trust that their inherent curiosity will guide them in finding ways to engage with this world that suit them. They are not disinterested in socializing; they simply have not found the right approach for themselves.

 

Humanistic psychology believes that the innate desire of individuals is to grow and mature. Children progress every day. Regardless of the pace, they are making strides. The question is, can we purely stand from the child’s perspective, patiently waiting, and appreciate the unique vitality they radiate throughout their growth process, based on their nature, temperament, and baseline?

Understanding Common Infectious Diseases in Schoolchildren

Written by : Dr. Chiu Cheung Shing

 

The weather in Hong Kong can be unpredictable, and combined with children’s weaker immune systems, they are prone to various illnesses. Moreover, children learn and play together at school, making it easy for infectious diseases to spread. Therefore, parents must have a certain understanding of common infectious diseases among schoolchildren to take necessary preventive measures and avoid infections.

 

In Hong Kong, schoolchildren’s infectious diseases can be categorized based on their mode of transmission:

 

  1. Droplet Transmission

Children can inhale droplets expelled by an infected person when they sneeze, cough, spit, or talk. They may also touch surfaces contaminated with pathogens and then touch their eyes, nose, or mouth, allowing the virus to enter their bodies and cause infection. Common illnesses include upper respiratory infections (commonly referred to as colds), influenza, and hand, foot, and mouth disease.

 

  1. Contact Transmission

This occurs when viruses are transmitted through direct contact with an infected person’s body, such as skin-to-skin contact. The most common example is hand, foot, and mouth disease.

 

  1. Airborne Transmission

Pathogens can remain suspended in the air for a period, entering the human body through the respiratory system without direct contact. Common diseases transmitted this way include chickenpox and measles.

 

  1. Hygiene-Related Infections

Some infectious diseases arise from improper personal hygiene, such as urinary tract infections or gastroenteritis (commonly referred to as stomach flu).

 

Handling Infectious Diseases

 

When a child contracts any infectious disease, they should not attend school. Firstly, the child may encounter more viruses at school or further weaken their immune system. Secondly, for public health considerations, it is essential to prevent the spread of the virus. Parents should allow their children to rest at home and return to school only after recovery. Additionally, parents can take preventive actions early, such as ensuring their children receive vaccinations against diseases like influenza or chickenpox, which can effectively prevent infections.

 

Parents should teach their children to avoid contact with classmates who have colds and to wash their hands frequently, using hand sanitizers appropriately to maintain personal hygiene. They should also instruct their children not to share cups or utensils to prevent cross-infection.

 

If a school suspects that a student has an infectious disease, teachers should remind the affected student to wear a mask, cover their mouth with a tissue when sneezing or coughing, and should try to isolate the student while properly handling any bodily fluids. Parents should be informed to take the child to see a doctor.

How to Enhance Children’s Vocabulary? 2 Essential Methods to Implement in Daily Life!

Source: Speech Therapist Mom Miss Carley

Vocabulary skills can be divided into two categories: expressive and receptive. Expressive vocabulary refers to the words that children can say, while receptive vocabulary refers to the words that children can understand when they hear or see them.

Generally, children have a larger receptive vocabulary than expressive vocabulary. For example, a one-year-old child can say about five words, such as “Daddy,” “Mommy,” “Grandma,” “street,” and “ball.” However, they can understand more words than they can express. For instance, if a parent says, “Where is the light?” the child may be able to point to it. They can also understand questions like “Do you want a bun?” or “Are you drinking milk?” and phrases like “Let’s go to the street.”

Expressive Vocabulary Levels by Age:

● 1 year: Can say some single words.

● 1.5 years: About fifty words; can use some single words to form short sentences.

● 2 years: Can reach two hundred to three hundred words.

● 3 years: About five hundred to one thousand expressive words.


In fact, the way and amount of time parents converse with their children daily is directly related to the children’s vocabulary development. So, how can we enhance children’s vocabulary in daily life?

Method 1: Stimulating Language Environment

During infancy and toddlerhood, parents should engage in more conversations, play parent-child games, and sing songs to encourage interaction. In the process, parents can try to use different types of vocabulary to describe their children’s actions. For instance, when a child is playing with a toy car, instead of just saying the noun, “Yes, that’s a car,” parents might also add adjectives, saying, “Yes, this car is red and very big.” They can also use verbs, saying, “Ah! You are driving the car,” or “You are sitting in the car.” Additionally, using locational words like “Now the car is on the table…under the table” can expose children to a variety of vocabulary and help them express themselves better.

Method 2: Aligning with Children’s Interests

If a child enjoys reading, engaging in parent-child reading can introduce many new words. Furthermore, parents can describe the events happening around them based on their child’s abilities and interests. For example, at the supermarket, parents might say, “These are bananas and apples.” When in the car, they can talk about the scenery outside.

If the child has the ability, parents can also describe events that happened earlier, such as, “This morning we played at the park and kicked a soccer ball,” allowing the child to use more vocabulary related to past experiences.

For older children with higher vocabulary skills, parents can play word games with them, such as naming fruits, modes of transportation, or animals. They can also engage in activities where they compare words with specific characteristics, like naming red foods—tomatoes, strawberries, and apples. Alternatively, parents can ask children to think of words related to a specific term. For example, when thinking about summer, they might come up with ice cream, heat, rain, and swimming. These activities not only enrich children’s vocabulary skills but also enhance their associative thinking and imagination.

Master These 3 Tips to Help Your Children Follow Instructions!

“Why don’t you listen?” “Look at how well-behaved that child is.” Have you ever found these phrases familiar? The issue of children not listening is a common problem that many parents struggle to resolve. Some parents resort to scolding, which can worsen the parent-child relationship, while others choose to ignore the behavior, fearing their children will become worse as they grow up.

If you want your children to grow up healthy and happy while also being able to follow instructions, it’s actually not difficult—the key lies in the hands of the parents.


1. Avoid Bombarding with Demands

Put yourself in their shoes. Imagine that when you arrive at work, your boss immediately throws ten tasks at you. You would likely feel frustrated, unsure of where to start, and overwhelmed by the sheer volume of work. The same goes for children; receiving too many instructions at once can leave them feeling confused, and they may not have the ability to prioritize those tasks, leading them to simply “pretend not to hear.” Parents should wait for their children to complete one task before giving them another, rather than listing all demands at once.


2. Avoid Using Interrogative Phrasing

Some parents like to give instructions in the form of questions, such as “How about you clean up after eating?” For children, this is not an instruction but rather a question that they can choose to ignore. If parents want their children to clean up after meals, they should say directly, “You need to clean up after eating.”


3. Choose a Time When Everyone is Focused

When to give instructions is also an important aspect. Sometimes, when children are watching TV or using their phones, they may not hear your instructions at all; they might just respond with a reflexive “Oh” or “Okay,” and then forget completely. Parents can wait until after the children have finished watching TV, or directly ask them for a minute of their attention to ensure that they understand the request. Additionally, when making requests, parents should also put aside other tasks to model focused communication for their children.



Essay on Values Education (Empathy)

By Dr. Cheuk Wong Wing Sze


Recently, with the unstable weather and frequent rain, I encountered a group of high school students waiting in line for the bus. To my surprise, one female student was without an umbrella, looking very disheveled. Quickly, I shared my umbrella with her. They were all in the same school uniform, possibly not well-acquainted with each other, yet seeing a fellow student in such a state, I wondered why no one else was willing to share their umbrella with her. This incident reminded me of the importance of fostering empathy from a young age.


1. Empathy as the Foundation

American psychologist Daniel Goleman, in his book “Working with Emotional Intelligence,” points out that the ability to handle interpersonal relationships is based on empathy. By trying to perceive the needs of others and caring about their perspectives, one can understand their viewpoints, recognize their emotions, respond to their feelings, and enhance their own empathy. In essence, stronger empathy leads to better interpersonal relationships, and vice versa.


2. Recognizing Others’ Emotions

Through perspective-taking, understanding others’ emotions and thoughts is essential for empathizing and problem-solving from their standpoint. It is crucial to educate children from a young age to first recognize their own emotions. In Asian communities, emotions are often more reserved, with a wide range beyond just happy or sad. Teaching children that emotions are neither good nor bad but have appropriate and inappropriate ways of handling them is vital. For instance, it’s okay to feel angry, and when angry, expressing it to someone is acceptable, but resorting to violence is not. Understanding one’s emotions from a young age facilitates empathy towards others and gradually nurtures empathy.


3.      Perceiving Others’ Needs

In the bustling city of Hong Kong, where everyone is occupied, people often have their heads down engrossed in their phones, paying less attention to those around them. Teaching children to recognize their emotions and those of others from a young age helps them become more sensitive to the needs of others as they grow up.


I firmly believe that cultivating empathy in children from a young age is crucial. Recently, the Education Bureau has been advocating values education, which includes empathy. By fostering understanding of others’ feelings and needs from a young age, empathizing with others and putting oneself in their shoes, the world can become a better place.


Reference:

Daniel Goleman (1998). “Working with Emotional Intelligence.” Times Publishing Limited.

Ability and Interest are the two major variables in career planning.

Written by: Registered Educational Psychologist, Mr. Pang Chi-wah

As Hong Kong shifted from industrial to service-oriented industries, the constant turnover of societal sectors has left many youths feeling extremely helpless about their future prospects. Some young individuals are unsure of what they want or what career path to pursue. If they choose the wrong subjects in secondary school or university, it adds more confusion to their future. Recognizing this, the education sector has begun to emphasize students’ career planning.

Youthful years are invaluable, and time is a precious resource. In our growth process, engaging in career planning is akin to a national investment. However, the investment made by young individuals is not monetary but temporal. Where should they allocate this time?

When young individuals engage in career planning, the key consideration regarding time allocation revolves around their personal interests and abilities. Ability refers to what a person can do, which can be objectively assessed or evaluated and compared with the requirements of a job to determine compatibility.

Interest is more subjective, rooted in personal feelings or desires, sometimes challenging to assess objectively due to individual differences. Young people’s interests may be influenced by their family background, learning experiences, and social environment, and can be understood through personal interviews.

Considering students’ abilities and interests, the two major variables in their career planning can be categorized into four groups:


Category One:

These students may lack the ability or interest, or choose subjects and careers they have no ability or interest in, leading to a painful future. Even though they may currently lack specific interests or abilities, it doesn’t mean they never will. Therefore, it is crucial for family members and teachers to help them discover their interests and abilities starting now.

The solution to this issue is to explore different areas. Schools can collaborate with various industries to establish long-term partnerships, allowing students to intern or learn in these organizations. Through these activities, schools can help students better understand the industries they may face in the future and discover their interests and abilities. Simultaneously, this can reduce their sense of helplessness and confusion when entering society.


Category Two:

These students have interests but lack sufficient ability. They might be interested in certain subjects or careers but have a noticeable gap in their learning abilities. For example, a student might aspire to be a doctor after watching a movie and saving lives, yet their science grades are poor. Or they may wish to be a teacher, educating the next generation, but their speaking or language skills are lacking. Perhaps these students can improve through hard work to bridge the gap between their interests and abilities, but they must be prepared for the significant pressure they may face in the future.

Getting involved and participating hands-on can dispel misconceptions students may have about certain industries due to media or family influence. For instance, a psychiatrist in a movie might seem to earn a substantial income by simply talking to patients. While this appears to be an excellent job, in reality, it involves extensive paperwork, analysis, and diagnosis after conversing with patients. Visits and internships can allow them to truly experience the career path they envision and determine if it aligns with their interests. Therefore, in career planning, time should be invested in various visits and experiences to validate their planned career path.


Category Three:

These students have the ability but lack interest in sustaining it. Contrary to Category Two students, these individuals are often driven by their academic performance in selecting subjects or careers. For instance, excelling in mathematics might lead them to pursue accounting in university, or proficiency in languages might lead them to study linguistics and become a teacher. However, they may realize they have chosen paths where they have the ability but lack interest, potentially leading to a lack of motivation or persistence in the future.

The external environment, such as family or school, can also influence the development of interests in these students. For example, a student may aspire to be an artist, possessing talent and a strong interest, but in a society like Hong Kong that prioritizes commerce, opportunities for artistic development may be limited, dampening their interest. Therefore, teachers and social workers need to have a keen understanding of different industries’ characteristics and create a stimulating atmosphere to nurture students’ interests.



Category Four:

These students have found careers they are interested in and have the ability to study or delve into. Their career planning direction is clear, allowing them to progress towards a specific goal more easily. However, while these students may have identified their abilities and interests, they still need a good learning attitude to continue developing and truly succeed.

Although Category Four is the most ideal combination, few students can achieve this early on. It is essential to make students understand that career planning involves a growth process, a gradual transformation from one category to another through continuous learning and experience in the journey of life.


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Enjoy Traveling During the Summer Vacation – What Else Besides Just Having Fun?

The summer holidays are here, and many parents choose to travel with their children during this long break, not only to spend quality time together, but also to rejuvenate. I wonder if there are any other reasons why people choose to travel during the summer?

Some may say that traveling can also broaden children’s horizons. Indeed, “it is better to travel ten thousand miles than to read ten thousand books.” If children have firsthand experiences, they will likely have a deeper understanding of the knowledge they have learned. For example, when children learn about the Great Wall of China, visiting the site in person would allow them to truly appreciate the grandeur of this architectural marvel in human history. When choosing travel destinations, I also consider whether they align with my daughter’s learning content. For instance, when she is studying different types of animals, I will include a visit to the zoo during our trip, so that she can interact with various animals directly, which is much more engaging than learning from books or TV alone.

I highly value the several days we spend traveling, as it allows for extended quality time together. By observing my daughter closely during these days, I can gain deeper insights into her. When my daughter was younger, I would pay particular attention to the following aspects during our travels:


(1) How the child interacts with strangers

During travels, children encounter various unfamiliar people. How does my daughter behave in such situations? Does she proactively greet the unfamiliar elders? Can she politely and appropriately respond to their questions? When playing with peers her age, does she initiate interactions? How does she handle any potential conflicts that may arise? I enjoy observing discreetly, then in the evenings, I will share and praise her good conduct from the day, and encourage her on how she can do even better the next time.


(2) The child’s self-care abilities   

With the relatively ample time during travels, without having to race against the clock, this is when you can take the opportunity to foster your child’s self-care ability. For example, I will arrange for my daughter to carry a small travel suitcase of her own, and have her manage the personal items inside it. I then observe discreetly to see if the child can properly handle her personal belongings, and whether she can pack up her things neatly before leaving the hotel or heading to the next destination. I will provide timely reminders or assistance if needed.

In fact, fostering children’s character and self-care ability does not necessarily require taking a flight to travel to distant places. What I want to emphasize is that character education should not just remain at the theoretical level, as constant lecturing will only backfire. Rather, character education should be put into practice through daily life. In fact, as long as there is ample time for interaction and more companionship with the children, along with careful observation of their daily performance, and providing reminders or assistance when necessary, even just a trip to the countryside can achieve the above purposes.


Healthy Back Care Exercises – Suitable for Both Adults and Children

Written by: Fong Wai Kwan, Dr. Kong’s Professional Team of Registered Physiotherapist

Parents should avoid letting their children develop the following bad postures, which can affect the development of the spine:

When children are doing their homework, they should avoid sitting sideways to one side, as this posture can easily lead to uneven use of force on the left and right sides of the spine, causing problems such as scoliosis. At the same time, they should maintain an upright posture in both the neck and waist.

When children use computers, they should not lean their necks too far forward to look at the screen, as this can easily lead to neck strain. Parents should also remind children to keep their necks and backs straight, and choose chairs that are adjustable in height and equipped with backrests and armrests to support the back, hands, and wrists. Additionally, the screen should be positioned at a height not above eye level. After every 30 minutes of computer use, there should be adequate rest breaks taken.

When lifting heavy objects from the floor, it is best to avoid bending the waist forward to pick them up. Instead, one should adopt a semi-squatting posture, keeping the waist straight. Then, grip the heavy object with both hands, keeping it as close to the body as possible. Finally, use the leg muscles to stand up, maintaining a straight waist.


Neck Stretching Exercises

Purpose: To help relieve muscle tension in the neck

Steps: 1. Turn your head to the left and right sides, holding each position for 10 seconds.

2. Move your head up and down, holding each position for 10 seconds.

3. Tilt your head towards the left and right sides, holding each position for 10 seconds.

Repeat the full set of exercises 10 times per day.


Shoulder Stretching Exercises

Purpose: To help relieve tension in the shoulder muscles

Steps: Place your hands on your shoulders, and rotate your elbows forward and backward 10 times in each direction.


Chest Stretching

Purpose: To help stretch the chest muscles and improve poor posture

Steps: Firmly grasp your hands behind your back, and raise your hands as high as possible, holding for 10 seconds. Repeat 10 times per day.


Stretching the Back and Waist Muscles

Purpose: To help relieve tension in the back and waist muscles

Steps: 1. Place your hands on your knees, then bend forward at the waist, hold for 10 seconds, and slowly return to a standing position.

2. Place your hands on your hips, then bend backward at the waist, hold for 10 seconds, and slowly return to a standing position.

Repeat the full set of exercises 10 times per day.


Side Body Stretching

Purpose: To help relieve tension in the side waist muscles

Steps: 1. Place your hands on your hips and twist your waist from side to side, slowly returning to the starting standing position with hands on hips. Hold each side for 10 seconds.

2. Raise your left hand and bend to the right, hold for 10 seconds, then slowly return to the starting standing position with hands on hips.

3. Raise your right hand and bend to the left, hold for 10 seconds, then slowly return to the starting standing position with hands on hips.

Repeat the full set of exercises 10 times per day.


The Parent-Child Relationship of “One Chases, One Walks”

Written by: Ms. Ng Yee Kam, Founder and CEO of Family Dynamics

                     Marriage and Family Therapist

                     Child Play Therapist


Many parents complain that as their children grow older, they become less willing to talk to their parents, and the relationship becomes more distant and indifferent. Parents begin to not know what is on their children’s minds, what their school life is like, and what their friends are like. As far as the eye can see, it’s all gaming, watching TV, surfing the internet, WhatsApp, WeChat, and Instagram! Parents inevitably develop a sense of unease, because it feels like they have lost connection with their beloved children. The more uneasy parents become, the more they want to pull their children back. But the methods they use are often questioning, regulating, criticizing, and blaming, showing a lack of understanding and trust towards their children’s behavior. From the children’s perspective, the parents’ “concern” and “care” feel like control and unreasonableness. As a result, the more the parents want to get closer to their children, the more the children want to avoid their parents! This chasing creates a tense and awkward parent-child relationship, which is truly a pity!


Whether it’s the evolution of society or the nurturing of the next generation, the role of parents is the most important. Parents have multiple responsibilities: care, provision, guidance, and demonstration. The best way to connect the relationship between parents and children and create positive interactions is the way parents convey love and care, which can make children truly feel it. Sometimes parents may be surprised and ask, “Isn’t this how I show concern? How could he not feel it?” In fact, each child’s needs may be different, and the way they crave care may also be different. If parents do not approach it from the child’s perspective, but only selfishly use their own perspective to understand and the methods they are used to in showing care, even if parents “circle around” the child, the same result may occur: one chases, one walks!


For children to truly feel their parents’ love and care, the key lies in whether the parents’ focus is on the children themselves, or only on the children’s performance. If the parents’ care is focused on the child, the child will definitely feel it, and they will respond in a positive way. If the parents’ concern is only about the child’s performance, the child will eventually become alienated from the parents, and may even shut them out.


If we compare the following examples of what parents say to their children, we can see the difference between “caring for the child” and “caring for the child’s performance”:


When parents come home from work and ask their children:

A “Did you have a happy day at school today?”

B “Did you finish your homework today?”


When the child gets a 65 on a test, the parents say:

A “Are you feeling disappointed with this score? Perhaps you feel unhappy, you can share your feelings with me!”

B “You’ve been lazy and unfocused, how can you get good grades like this? If you don’t work harder, you’ll fail again next time, and might even have to repeat the grade!”


In the busy pace of life, it is not easy to establish a good parent-child relationship! Establishing positive interactions and connections with your children is the only way to provide them with continuous encouragement and support as they grow up. If you’re not careful and choose the wrong way of expressing yourself, even though the parents may have a lot of love in their hearts, the children may not accept it!



Intelligent learning through exercise

Written by: Fung Ji Hei, Game Therapist

I just participated in a professional development exchange activity for teachers in Taiwan, and witnessed how Taiwan’s education system emphasizes using exercise to cultivate children’s growth. This has given me new inspiration, and I hope to share it with all parents. One of the schools we visited for the exchange could be called a “mini sports university” – “Tiger Forest Elementary School”. As soon as I stepped into the school, the students greeted us with the government-promoted fitness exercises. They followed the rhythm to raise their hands and move their bodies, doing all kinds of warm-up movements. It made me feel like they were as lively as little tigers, and I felt like I had entered a forest full of little tigers.


Exercise Can Strengthen Children’s Learning Ability

Principal Liu of Tiger Forest Elementary School said that the school is a key government school focused on the physical development of the students, and believes that exercise can strengthen their learning ability. They are based on the research of John J. Ratey, MD, an assistant professor of clinical psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, and advocate the “Anytime Exercise” program. This program encourages students to exercise at any time. During breaks, students run to any part of the playground to exercise, some play dodgeball, some climb on the jungle gym, and some play badminton. All the students enjoy every moment of exercise.


The Benefits of Exercise – Strengthening Brain Function

It is well known that exercise has the effect of strengthening the body and health. In Ratey’s research, he points out more about the benefits of exercise for the brain. He describes the brain as an information processing center, where information is transmitted through different pathways using different messengers (chemicals). During exercise, the brain can effectively produce more messengers and strengthen the pathways, making the transmission of information faster and more accurate.

When applying this theory to learning, students can strengthen their brain function through exercise, thereby enhancing their learning effectiveness. Research has proven that exercise can improve students’ concentration and memory, which are essential conditions for successful learning. In addition, exercise can cause the brain to produce Dopamine (a chemical that creates a sense of happiness), allowing students to learn happily, and naturally achieving better results.


How to get children to love exercise?

To let children enjoy the time and benefits of exercise, parents need to help children love exercise. Here are three suggestions:


1. Anytime Exercise

Provide more opportunities for children to exercise, such as giving them appropriate time, tools, and venues, while parents should also pay attention to the safety of the environment.


2. Healthy Exercise

Teach children to exercise for the sake of health, and emphasize the benefits of exercise to health.


3. Exercise Together

Exercise with children more often, enjoy the moments of exercise, and cherish the quality time between parents and children.


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