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Emotional Language for Parents and Children

Written by : Family Dynamics Child Play Therapist  Marriage and Family Therapist, Ms. Lee Wai Zi

 

Growing up, we are seldom taught to express our emotions verbally. Schools and society focus on nurturing children’s cognitive, analytical, and problem-solving skills, so we are used to discussing things and opinions, and rarely express our emotions directly in words. Even when families communicate and talk to each other, we are not used to sharing our feelings.

Some parents may ask, “Isn’t it enough for me to express my care for my child through actions (such as hugging or kissing him/her)? Is it necessary for parents to verbally affirm and respond to their children’s feelings and needs?

While it is important for parents to express their love for their children through actions, it is also important for parents to respond empathetically to their children so that they can understand and accept their thoughts and feelings in a more concrete and tangible way. This not only strengthens the parent-child relationship and builds the child’s sense of security, but the child also learns how to verbally express his or her feelings and needs, which helps reduce the need for the child to express his or her inner turmoil through bad behavior.

In fact, the language of emotion is not the language we are used to. Many parents are concerned that affirming and empathizing with their children’s negative emotions may condone and exacerbate their children’s bad behavior. For example, when a child feels sad about the loss of a beloved object, parents are afraid that rehashing the incident will touch on the child’s sad feelings. Parents may say to their children, “It’s okay, just play with something else! or “Try to see if you can buy another one instead. Parents want to calm their children by solving their problems.

However, not only do children fail to learn from their parents’ responses how to access and understand their own feelings and effectively regulate their negative emotions, they also have no opportunity to learn from their failures and develop a sense of responsibility.

If parents can put themselves in their children’s shoes, understand their experiences from their children’s perspective, and try to tell them how they feel, even if it is as simple as “I think you must be very sad and upset about losing your beloved object. This is the most powerful support and comfort for children, giving them the confidence and courage to face the challenges of life.

Self-protection mechanism of children

Written by: Psychotherapist Lee Wai-Tong, Unleashing Mind Professional  Counselling Academy

 

One day, a colleague told me that he/she had received a call from a mother who was anxious to bring her son to see me. On the phone, I learned that the boy had pointed a knife at his neck several times in the past month, threatening his mother to give her change to buy snacks, or else he would stab himself in the neck. The mother, on one hand, of course, was surprised at her son’s behavior, and on the other hand, worried that he might stab himself accidentally, so she had to give him money. But the boy did the same thing many times afterwards, which made the mother feel distressed.

The first time I had a play therapy session with the boy, he entered the playroom, sat down on a chair and looked at me with a smile on his face, so I invited him to choose the toys in the room: “You can choose any toy and play with it in your own way. The boy looked at me and said, “Really? I responded again, “You can choose any toy and play with it the way you want. So the boy stood up, swept all the toys on the table to the floor, and looked at me with a smile.

At this point, I was thinking that this was the first time I met with the boy and he responded in such a way, so I could imagine that he had a lot of anger in his heart, but he had suppressed it for some time, so now he let it out in this way.

 

Later, I used games and creative psychotherapy to allow him to slowly express his inner feelings of dissatisfaction with his parents, for example, his father blamed the boy for breaking the computer for no reason, but in fact it was his brother who did it; when the boy did something wrong, his mother beat him with a coat hanger …… When his emotions were released, the boy did not do these behaviors anymore. And he also became cheerful.

Children need the protection and love of their parents as they grow up. But if a parent causes harm to a child and does not deal with it properly, what the child can do is to use his or her limited ability to protect himself or herself, such as becoming rebellious, silent, or telling lie. We all understand that parenting is not perfect and it is normal to misunderstand and blame our children sometimes. However, the important thing is that when we find out that we have misunderstood or blamed our children wrongly, we can open a space for parents to communicate and let our children express their unhappiness.

What Can You Do If Your Child Is Afraid of Embarrassment?

Written by: Pang Chi Wah, Registered Educational Psychologist, New Horizons Development Centre

It is quite common for young children to become “shy kids” when they encounter strangers or find themselves in unfamiliar environments. How can parents help them break through this barrier and avoid hiding behind them every time they meet new friends?

Are Children Afraid of Strangers or Anyone?
In fact, shyness is a common experience for young children. They may not understand the motives or intentions of others, or they might feel scared in new environments. This is a normal reaction. Shyness is an inner psychological state, and parents should analyze their child’s reactions to different people to determine whether they are afraid of strangers or even shy around familiar faces.

If a child feels shy due to the unusual appearance or attire of strangers, or if they are in an unfamiliar environment with poor lighting or enclosed spaces, it is important to note that adults can also exhibit similar behaviors. Feeling shy or panicked in unfamiliar places or crowds is a normal reaction.

Gradual Exposure to Adapt to Environments and People
There are both extroverted and introverted children, as these are personality traits. Parents need to accept their child’s personality while also nurturing them to break through their limits. If a child remains shy for an extended period, it can hinder their exploration of the world, limit opportunities to enhance cognitive abilities, and reduce chances for social interaction and engagement in new learning experiences.

Parents should help their children gradually adapt to social interactions, moving from familiar to unfamiliar. Start with family members, then relatives, neighbors, friends, acquaintances, and finally strangers, slowly expanding the child’s social circle. Additionally, some children may not be afraid of facing others but may feel uncomfortable in certain unfamiliar environments. Parents should regularly take their children to different new places to expose them to new experiences, helping them learn to remain calm and increasing their social comfort zones. However, parents should not rush this process.

Developmental Issues Can Also Cause Shyness
Moreover, parents should be aware of potential developmental issues that might lead them to mistakenly perceive their child as shy, or that may actually be the root cause of their shyness. For instance, if a child has hearing development issues, their ability to respond to and receive sounds will naturally be poorer than that of a normally developing child. Similarly, if a child is nearsighted or farsighted, their inability to see clearly can lead to feelings of shyness. If parents do not recognize that this shyness stems from vision problems, they may mistakenly believe the child is simply more reserved, overlooking the real issue.

Additionally, issues such as sensory integration dysfunction, social barriers, and poor coordination between different sensory channels can also lead to similar behaviors in children. If parents are unable to identify the underlying problems, they should seek assistance from professionals to diagnose the root causes and address them promptly, greatly reducing the impact on the child.

Small Training for Writing Skills

Written by: Child Psychological Development Association, Psychological Counselor, Mr. Ching Wai Keung

“His handwriting is always out of line; it always ‘flies’ all over the place!”
“He can’t even write within the boxes; he usually takes up two boxes for one character!”
“He often skips lines or spaces when writing!”
“It seems like he doesn’t apply enough pressure when he writes; his writing is so faint that it’s almost unreadable!”

These comments reflect the experiences of many children learning to write in K2. When children write, they need to coordinate many abilities, the simplest being the strength and dexterity of their finger muscles (fine motor skills). If there is insufficient training in fine motor skills, children may struggle with writing or holding a pen effectively. So, how can parents address and train this? It’s simple: let them play with playdough, clay, and flour from a young age.

Secondly, visual-spatial awareness and eye control are also important for copying. General ball activities are excellent training options. Tracking a ball visually and then performing an action to catch (or kick) it is a natural and fun form of training. Additionally, games like “spot the difference” (finding the differences between two pictures) and maze games (first finding the way with their eyes and then connecting the dots with a pen) can also benefit eye control.

Hand-eye coordination is, of course, crucial in copying practice! Activities like tossing and catching beanbags, fishing games, pouring exercises, and cutting paper can greatly aid hand-eye coordination.


When should these games start? How long should they be practiced each day? In fact, parents can start playing these games with their children as soon as they understand and are able to play. Moreover, parents should base activities on the child’s willingness; when the child doesn’t want to play, parents should switch to another game instead of insisting on a set duration. My philosophy is that through daily play, children can acquire certain skills to prevent problems, rather than relying on remedial practice. Otherwise, even the best games can become tedious and unenjoyable, leading to more suffering than enjoyment!

Training Young Minds: Brain Training Games

Written by: Ms. Carmen Leung, part-time lecturer for Bachelor of Education in OUHK

DHA is merely a nutrient that supports brain development in children, but to make children smarter, their brains need proper exercise. Here are some brain-training games that are perfect for children aged 2 to those in primary school!


1. Maze and Spot-the-Difference Activities
Although mazes and spot-the-difference games were popular when we were young, they remain valuable tools for children today. These brain-training activities come in various forms; any image-based game that requires children to observe and concentrate to complete tasks qualifies as a brain exercise. For instance, are you familiar with “Where’s Wally?”—one of the most popular brain games worldwide?

In fact, brain games don’t necessarily need to be purchased or printed in books; you can easily create them at home. For example, parents can hide two candies among a pile of clutter, and children will surely focus intently to find them!


2. Organizing and Categorizing Household Items
Everyday life offers excellent opportunities for brain training, such as tidying up and sorting. Organizing items systematically not only enhances children’s organizational skills but also encourages their creativity. Sometimes, children may classify items differently than adults, but their methods can be quite logical. Parents might ask children why they categorize items in a certain way, discovering that children’s observational skills can be sharper than expected. They often use details they observe for classification, so parents should avoid imposing adult categorization methods to prevent stifling their problem-solving initiative.
You might wonder what to do if your child dislikes tidying up. Before children develop the habit of organizing and sorting household items, it’s essential to start with games to boost their motivation to complete “missions.” For instance, you could hold a “Room Organization Contest” or “Clean-Up Day,” encouraging family members to help each other tidy up, which also serves as a fun way to exercise their brains!


3. Memory Games
There are many memory card games available, such as flipping over a set of cards and taking turns to reveal two at a time. If the cards match, players keep them. Additionally, there are cards with different pictures on them that parents can lay out for children to see, then flip them over and ask children to identify where a specific item is located. These are excellent memory games, and both adults and children can add creativity by changing the rules to make them more interesting.
Beyond card games, everyday life is full of opportunities for memory games. For example, you can ask children to find items they’ve seen you place somewhere, or have them put away some objects and later ask them to retrieve them after a certain period.
In summary, training children’s brains and intelligence is not difficult at all. With a bit of thought and creativity, many everyday details can provide opportunities for children to think critically!

Should Parents Show Love to Their Children?

Written by: Dr. Tik Chi-yuen, Director of Hong Kong Institute of Family Education

All parents love their children, but many of us tend to keep this love in our hearts, rarely expressing it openly. Chinese culture, in particular, is known for its reserved approach to emotional expression. This is especially true for fathers, who often assume that their thoughts and feelings are understood without the need for explicit communication. Some fathers even believe that expressing love to their children compromises their dignity and authority as a parent. However, such thinking is a grave mistake. Emotional connections between people need to be explicitly expressed in various ways to foster close relationships. Compared to Chinese parents, parents in Western cultures are generally more proactive in expressing their love to their children.

Expressing Love Strengthens Parent-Child Bonds

Due to the reserved nature of Chinese culture, we often miss valuable opportunities to build a closer relationship with our children by not expressing our love openly. Actions and words are among the most effective ways to convey emotions and messages. Similarly, parental love must also be expressed through actions and words, such as giving a hug or saying, “I love you.” If we merely hold our love inside without expressing it, our children may not fully understand how much we love them. Worse, they might even misunderstand and think we don’t love them! Therefore, it is extremely important to express love to our children. It’s also easy, convenient, and costs nothing. Once we recognize the importance of expressing love and change our traditionally reserved approach, we can express our love to our children anytime and anywhere, thereby strengthening the parent-child bond.

Different Ways to Show Love
Here are some suggestions for expressing love to your children:


1. Daily Hugs
Hugging is one of the most direct ways to show love because only close individuals hug each other. Parents can hug their children every day when leaving for or returning home. Hugs can be shared during moments of joy or sadness to show support and care. Moreover, parent-child hugs are not limited by age. Even as children grow older, hugs can still be a meaningful way to express love.


2. A Goodnight Kiss
I often encourage parents to spend time with their young children before bedtime, sharing the day’s experiences and feelings. Before they fall asleep, giving them a goodnight kiss can be a simple yet powerful expression of love. A kiss from parents not only brings warmth but also provides a sense of security, helping children sleep more peacefully. Similarly, there is no age limit to this gesture. Parents can continue to give goodnight kisses to their children as they grow older.


3. Write Loving Messages to Your Children
During festive occasions like Christmas, Valentine’s Day, or other special days, we often write cards to friends. Why not write a letter or a heartfelt card to your children to show your care and love?

I’ve noticed that many parents feel immense joy when they receive Father’s Day or Mother’s Day cards from their children because it shows that their children love and appreciate them. So, shouldn’t we also write letters of love to our children on Children’s Day or other appropriate occasions?


4. Say “I Love You”
“I love you” is a phrase that Westerners often say to their loved ones, as they are more open about expressing affection. In contrast, we rarely say “I love you” to our parents, spouses, or children. However, when we hear our children say, “Mom, Dad, I love you,” it fills our hearts with joy. So why are we afraid to say “I love you” ourselves?


5. Various Ways to Express Love
Parents can use smiles, words of encouragement, spend time talking about feelings, help solve problems for their children, accept their mistakes, play games together, or sing songs as ways to express love.

There are countless ways to show love to your children. As long as parents are intentional and proactive, they can express their love anytime. If we take the initiative to show love, our children will also naturally express their love for us in return.

Oral Muscle Development Training: Laying the Foundation for Language Skills

Written by: Speech Therapist Ms Jenny T. Y. Kwok

 

Every child’s language ability is different. Some children can speak various words by the age of one and form sentences by two, communicating effectively with others. However, some children develop their language skills more slowly. In fact, the development of oral muscles has a profound impact on both eating and language abilities. Parents can engage in various small games to train their children’s oral muscles, laying a solid foundation for their language development.

Oral muscles include the muscles of the cheeks, lips, tongue, and jaw, which develop and improve with age and eating experiences. The strength, control, flexibility, and coordination of these muscles are crucial factors in a child’s ability to learn to speak.

Daily meal times provide excellent practice opportunities. However, some cases involve children primarily eating finely chopped or pureed foods, which can hinder the normal development of their chewing abilities, affecting both eating and language development. Common issues include drooling and unclear or inaccurate pronunciation, so oral muscle problems must be addressed.

Here are some simple games to train oral muscles, which we hope will improve children’s oral capabilities through fun activities, thus laying a strong foundation for their language skills.

 

Blowing Practice

How to Play:

First, prepare a basin of water and position it between the parent and child, who should face each other. Fill the basin halfway with water and place a paper boat on the parent’s side, adding a small treat or toy (such as stickers, etc.) inside. The parent blows the paper boat toward the child, who can then take the treat. If the child wants more, they must blow the boat back toward the parent.

This blowing exercise strengthens the ability to retract the tongue and round the lips, enhancing the stability and control of the jaw, which improves speech clarity.

 

 

Chewing Practice

How to Play:

Cut harder vegetables or fruits (such as carrots, cucumbers, celery, and apples) into strips approximately the length and thickness of a finger. The parent holds the end of the vegetable strip and places it between the child’s molars to encourage chewing. The parent should stabilize the food’s position, pushing it slightly each time the child bites until the strip is completely eaten, alternating sides for practice. Parents can adjust the size, length, and hardness of the food strips according to the child’s abilities.

Chewing requires the coordination of the lips, tongue, and jaw muscles, while speech development also relies on the collaboration of different oral muscles to produce various sounds. Therefore, chewing training helps improve clarity of pronunciation.

 

Appreciating Children’s Progress from Their Own Baseline

Written by: Counseling Psychologist, Shelly Mok

 

There is a 3-year-old girl who, when she first started play therapy, would throw tantrums at home at least 3 to 4 times a day, each lasting over half an hour. After more than three months of play therapy, her crying frequency decreased to once every one to two weeks, sometimes even three weeks between episodes. However, her mother still felt troubled because, in her social circle, other children generally calmed down after crying for only 5 to 10 minutes. In contrast, her daughter still needed at least half an hour to gradually transition from her crying spells.

 

Another child, a shy little boy of the same age, when he first began play therapy, would only play with familiar toy cars in the playroom. He cautiously observed the unfamiliar environment and me, a stranger, within his small, safe space. A few months later, his father reported that he began to try playing on the slide by himself at the park and willingly participated in some interest classes without needing his parents’ accompaniment. However, his parents were still very concerned about his social skills, feeling that “he is different from other children.” Each time he participated in group activities, he would stand quietly in a corner with wide eyes, observing others without joining in.

 

 

Indeed, when comparing children to others, it is easy to notice their shortcomings. It is natural for parents to hope for their children’s continued improvement and progress. However, please remember that every child is unique, and their baselines are different. When measuring a child’s progress, if we use a “one size fits all” approach based on others’ standards, we may struggle to recognize their advancements and encourage them to keep moving forward, focusing instead on what they have yet to achieve.

 

For a child who is sensitive, easily frustrated, and has difficulty adapting to change, it may still take her half an hour to express her dissatisfaction. However, when she begins to enhance her resilience in facing difficulties, reducing the frequency of her crying spells is already progress. Before her next crying episode, she may have expended all her energy trying to adapt to the changes in her life and cope with various frustrations. What she needs is for her parents to understand her momentary weakness. She may not confront life as easily as more adaptable children do. Yet, with the understanding, compassion, and acceptance from her parents, she will gradually develop resilience and adaptability, making her life a little easier.

 

 

For introverted and highly sensitive children, various external stimuli may overwhelm their capacity to cope. They need to withdraw when they feel it is appropriate, retreating to their safe and comfortable zone to observe their environment slowly, in order to maintain their integrity and sense of security. They may never possess the boundless energy of extroverted children, who can dive into most situations with ease. Parents do not need to overly protect their children, keeping them in their comfort zones indefinitely. However, parental acceptance and companionship can help them gradually expand their world. Trust that their inherent curiosity will guide them in finding ways to engage with this world that suit them. They are not disinterested in socializing; they simply have not found the right approach for themselves.

 

Humanistic psychology believes that the innate desire of individuals is to grow and mature. Children progress every day. Regardless of the pace, they are making strides. The question is, can we purely stand from the child’s perspective, patiently waiting, and appreciate the unique vitality they radiate throughout their growth process, based on their nature, temperament, and baseline?

Understanding Common Infectious Diseases in Schoolchildren

Written by : Dr. Chiu Cheung Shing

 

The weather in Hong Kong can be unpredictable, and combined with children’s weaker immune systems, they are prone to various illnesses. Moreover, children learn and play together at school, making it easy for infectious diseases to spread. Therefore, parents must have a certain understanding of common infectious diseases among schoolchildren to take necessary preventive measures and avoid infections.

 

In Hong Kong, schoolchildren’s infectious diseases can be categorized based on their mode of transmission:

 

  1. Droplet Transmission

Children can inhale droplets expelled by an infected person when they sneeze, cough, spit, or talk. They may also touch surfaces contaminated with pathogens and then touch their eyes, nose, or mouth, allowing the virus to enter their bodies and cause infection. Common illnesses include upper respiratory infections (commonly referred to as colds), influenza, and hand, foot, and mouth disease.

 

  1. Contact Transmission

This occurs when viruses are transmitted through direct contact with an infected person’s body, such as skin-to-skin contact. The most common example is hand, foot, and mouth disease.

 

  1. Airborne Transmission

Pathogens can remain suspended in the air for a period, entering the human body through the respiratory system without direct contact. Common diseases transmitted this way include chickenpox and measles.

 

  1. Hygiene-Related Infections

Some infectious diseases arise from improper personal hygiene, such as urinary tract infections or gastroenteritis (commonly referred to as stomach flu).

 

Handling Infectious Diseases

 

When a child contracts any infectious disease, they should not attend school. Firstly, the child may encounter more viruses at school or further weaken their immune system. Secondly, for public health considerations, it is essential to prevent the spread of the virus. Parents should allow their children to rest at home and return to school only after recovery. Additionally, parents can take preventive actions early, such as ensuring their children receive vaccinations against diseases like influenza or chickenpox, which can effectively prevent infections.

 

Parents should teach their children to avoid contact with classmates who have colds and to wash their hands frequently, using hand sanitizers appropriately to maintain personal hygiene. They should also instruct their children not to share cups or utensils to prevent cross-infection.

 

If a school suspects that a student has an infectious disease, teachers should remind the affected student to wear a mask, cover their mouth with a tissue when sneezing or coughing, and should try to isolate the student while properly handling any bodily fluids. Parents should be informed to take the child to see a doctor.

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Parents Zone

How to Enhance Children’s Vocabulary? 2 Essential Methods to Implement in Daily Life!

Source: Speech Therapist Mom Miss Carley

Vocabulary skills can be divided into two categories: expressive and receptive. Expressive vocabulary refers to the words that children can say, while receptive vocabulary refers to the words that children can understand when they hear or see them.

Generally, children have a larger receptive vocabulary than expressive vocabulary. For example, a one-year-old child can say about five words, such as “Daddy,” “Mommy,” “Grandma,” “street,” and “ball.” However, they can understand more words than they can express. For instance, if a parent says, “Where is the light?” the child may be able to point to it. They can also understand questions like “Do you want a bun?” or “Are you drinking milk?” and phrases like “Let’s go to the street.”

Expressive Vocabulary Levels by Age:

● 1 year: Can say some single words.

● 1.5 years: About fifty words; can use some single words to form short sentences.

● 2 years: Can reach two hundred to three hundred words.

● 3 years: About five hundred to one thousand expressive words.


In fact, the way and amount of time parents converse with their children daily is directly related to the children’s vocabulary development. So, how can we enhance children’s vocabulary in daily life?

Method 1: Stimulating Language Environment

During infancy and toddlerhood, parents should engage in more conversations, play parent-child games, and sing songs to encourage interaction. In the process, parents can try to use different types of vocabulary to describe their children’s actions. For instance, when a child is playing with a toy car, instead of just saying the noun, “Yes, that’s a car,” parents might also add adjectives, saying, “Yes, this car is red and very big.” They can also use verbs, saying, “Ah! You are driving the car,” or “You are sitting in the car.” Additionally, using locational words like “Now the car is on the table…under the table” can expose children to a variety of vocabulary and help them express themselves better.

Method 2: Aligning with Children’s Interests

If a child enjoys reading, engaging in parent-child reading can introduce many new words. Furthermore, parents can describe the events happening around them based on their child’s abilities and interests. For example, at the supermarket, parents might say, “These are bananas and apples.” When in the car, they can talk about the scenery outside.

If the child has the ability, parents can also describe events that happened earlier, such as, “This morning we played at the park and kicked a soccer ball,” allowing the child to use more vocabulary related to past experiences.

For older children with higher vocabulary skills, parents can play word games with them, such as naming fruits, modes of transportation, or animals. They can also engage in activities where they compare words with specific characteristics, like naming red foods—tomatoes, strawberries, and apples. Alternatively, parents can ask children to think of words related to a specific term. For example, when thinking about summer, they might come up with ice cream, heat, rain, and swimming. These activities not only enrich children’s vocabulary skills but also enhance their associative thinking and imagination.

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