Written by: Dr. Tik Chi-yuen, Director of Hong Kong Institute of Family Education
All parents love their children, but many of us tend to keep this love in our hearts, rarely expressing it openly. Chinese culture, in particular, is known for its reserved approach to emotional expression. This is especially true for fathers, who often assume that their thoughts and feelings are understood without the need for explicit communication. Some fathers even believe that expressing love to their children compromises their dignity and authority as a parent. However, such thinking is a grave mistake. Emotional connections between people need to be explicitly expressed in various ways to foster close relationships. Compared to Chinese parents, parents in Western cultures are generally more proactive in expressing their love to their children.
Expressing Love Strengthens Parent-Child Bonds
Due to the reserved nature of Chinese culture, we often miss valuable opportunities to build a closer relationship with our children by not expressing our love openly. Actions and words are among the most effective ways to convey emotions and messages. Similarly, parental love must also be expressed through actions and words, such as giving a hug or saying, “I love you.” If we merely hold our love inside without expressing it, our children may not fully understand how much we love them. Worse, they might even misunderstand and think we don’t love them! Therefore, it is extremely important to express love to our children. It’s also easy, convenient, and costs nothing. Once we recognize the importance of expressing love and change our traditionally reserved approach, we can express our love to our children anytime and anywhere, thereby strengthening the parent-child bond.
Different Ways to Show Love
Here are some suggestions for expressing love to your children:
1. Daily Hugs
Hugging is one of the most direct ways to show love because only close individuals hug each other. Parents can hug their children every day when leaving for or returning home. Hugs can be shared during moments of joy or sadness to show support and care. Moreover, parent-child hugs are not limited by age. Even as children grow older, hugs can still be a meaningful way to express love.
2. A Goodnight Kiss
I often encourage parents to spend time with their young children before bedtime, sharing the day’s experiences and feelings. Before they fall asleep, giving them a goodnight kiss can be a simple yet powerful expression of love. A kiss from parents not only brings warmth but also provides a sense of security, helping children sleep more peacefully. Similarly, there is no age limit to this gesture. Parents can continue to give goodnight kisses to their children as they grow older.
3. Write Loving Messages to Your Children
During festive occasions like Christmas, Valentine’s Day, or other special days, we often write cards to friends. Why not write a letter or a heartfelt card to your children to show your care and love?
I’ve noticed that many parents feel immense joy when they receive Father’s Day or Mother’s Day cards from their children because it shows that their children love and appreciate them. So, shouldn’t we also write letters of love to our children on Children’s Day or other appropriate occasions?
4. Say “I Love You”
“I love you” is a phrase that Westerners often say to their loved ones, as they are more open about expressing affection. In contrast, we rarely say “I love you” to our parents, spouses, or children. However, when we hear our children say, “Mom, Dad, I love you,” it fills our hearts with joy. So why are we afraid to say “I love you” ourselves?
5. Various Ways to Express Love
Parents can use smiles, words of encouragement, spend time talking about feelings, help solve problems for their children, accept their mistakes, play games together, or sing songs as ways to express love.
There are countless ways to show love to your children. As long as parents are intentional and proactive, they can express their love anytime. If we take the initiative to show love, our children will also naturally express their love for us in return.